...I become what I might be." Lao Tzu
This statement is true in every aspect of my life, as I have had to let go of my former self in several ways: physically, spiritually, emotionally, and to some degree, financially.
I can honestly say that I wouldn't trade what I've become for anything in the world!
If you're facing a challenge in your life right now and you're having a hard time letting go and moving on, just know that nothing in this life is worth holding on to that tightly - EXCEPT your family!
Tomorrow is the first time in 4 months that I don't have to go to chemotherapy! Yippee!!
"But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31
Monday, June 25, 2012
Thursday, June 21, 2012
My Prayer For You
Cancer has, without a doubt, touched all of us at some point in our lives in one way or another. And though cancer will surely bring suffering and pain, it will also give you cause to be a better person. I pray for those who have already been touched by cancer, I pray for those who continue to be touched by cancer, and I pray for the rest of you that if cancer does touch you, it will only be from a great distance.
For all of us, I pray we continue to take care of each other the best we can and that we never take for granted the gift of family and friendship.
I know I never will.
The one prayer I continued to repeat like a mantra throughout this past difficult year was "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And I have found these words to be true. But I also believe that through no coincidence, Christ has blessed me with such an amazing family and group of friends, that now the prayer I say is "I can do all things through Christ, and my family and friends, who strengthen me."
May God bless and watch over you every day!
XO
Lisa
For all of us, I pray we continue to take care of each other the best we can and that we never take for granted the gift of family and friendship.
I know I never will.
The one prayer I continued to repeat like a mantra throughout this past difficult year was "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And I have found these words to be true. But I also believe that through no coincidence, Christ has blessed me with such an amazing family and group of friends, that now the prayer I say is "I can do all things through Christ, and my family and friends, who strengthen me."
May God bless and watch over you every day!
XO
Lisa
Monday, June 18, 2012
Hope Springs Eternal!
When I first learned I had breast cancer, my mind went to the worst possible place...
"What if I die?" I wondered.
I worried about my children and what it would be like for them to grow up, graduate high school, attend college, get married, have children, etc...all without a mother!! As awful as I felt for them, knowing how much I have always needed my own mother, I felt equally as bad for myself, imagining everything I might miss out on!!
I was suddenly desperate to make sure that, with or without me, my children knew they never have nor ever would be alone. I wanted them to know they would always have a God given guardian angel to watch over them - through even the simplest of things.
Now for those of you who don't know this about me, I love writing picture books and was offered representation about two years ago by a wonderful literary agent in New York. Looking back now, I could never have imagined what a difficult and lengthy process it would be to become published by a major publishing house, albeit impossible without an agent. But even WITH the benefit of having an agent and some promising interest in some of my books, there were subsequent rejections. And though I never gave up hope, continued to persevere, attended several writer's conferences to become a better writer, and made countless manuscript revisions, I had still not been able to get any of my books published...until now, that is!
After years of writing, the book that ended up taking only a few hours to write (with just some minor theological revisions!), and in turn had the most meaning for me, was successfully sold by my agent this past March.
My book "May God Bless You With an Angel"© is currently under contract and is now with the wonderfully talented illustrator, Chris Shea, for completion!
To give you an idea of how lengthy the process usually is, Chris will have the book for some time as she needs to complete over 40 pieces of original artwork! My first book will be released on June 1, 2013!
When I think of being filled with the power of the Holy Spirit, there is no better example of this than what happened to me with this book!
"I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength to do his work. He considered me trustworthy and appointed me to serve him." 1 Timothy 1:12
I look forward to seeing you at my book launch party next summer...cancer free and with my husband, my children, and my guardian angel at my side!
Original Artwork by Chris Shea ©
"What if I die?" I wondered.
I worried about my children and what it would be like for them to grow up, graduate high school, attend college, get married, have children, etc...all without a mother!! As awful as I felt for them, knowing how much I have always needed my own mother, I felt equally as bad for myself, imagining everything I might miss out on!!
I was suddenly desperate to make sure that, with or without me, my children knew they never have nor ever would be alone. I wanted them to know they would always have a God given guardian angel to watch over them - through even the simplest of things.
Now for those of you who don't know this about me, I love writing picture books and was offered representation about two years ago by a wonderful literary agent in New York. Looking back now, I could never have imagined what a difficult and lengthy process it would be to become published by a major publishing house, albeit impossible without an agent. But even WITH the benefit of having an agent and some promising interest in some of my books, there were subsequent rejections. And though I never gave up hope, continued to persevere, attended several writer's conferences to become a better writer, and made countless manuscript revisions, I had still not been able to get any of my books published...until now, that is!
After years of writing, the book that ended up taking only a few hours to write (with just some minor theological revisions!), and in turn had the most meaning for me, was successfully sold by my agent this past March.
My book "May God Bless You With an Angel"© is currently under contract and is now with the wonderfully talented illustrator, Chris Shea, for completion!
To give you an idea of how lengthy the process usually is, Chris will have the book for some time as she needs to complete over 40 pieces of original artwork! My first book will be released on June 1, 2013!
When I think of being filled with the power of the Holy Spirit, there is no better example of this than what happened to me with this book!
"I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength to do his work. He considered me trustworthy and appointed me to serve him." 1 Timothy 1:12
I look forward to seeing you at my book launch party next summer...cancer free and with my husband, my children, and my guardian angel at my side!
Original Artwork by Chris Shea ©
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over...
The usual horrible side effects came once more after my last chemo...an overall feeling of being beaten. I always say to Steve "I feel like you put me in a burlap bag and beat me with a baseball bat!". To which he always replies "Why bother with the burlap bag?".
In addition to the usual suspects, I came down with an awful fever which kept me vacillating between sweats and chills and warranted a trip to the ER to check my blood levels and rule out an infection. That infection turned out to be a sinus infection, where under 'normal' circumstances, my body wouldn't have reacted so extremely. Fighting a 101+ fever for 48 hours is not fun, but after as much time on antibiotics, my fever finally broke and the feeling is like a rebirth!
In a way, it's a poignant last reminder for me to never take for granted good health!
"For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace." Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
In addition to the usual suspects, I came down with an awful fever which kept me vacillating between sweats and chills and warranted a trip to the ER to check my blood levels and rule out an infection. That infection turned out to be a sinus infection, where under 'normal' circumstances, my body wouldn't have reacted so extremely. Fighting a 101+ fever for 48 hours is not fun, but after as much time on antibiotics, my fever finally broke and the feeling is like a rebirth!
In a way, it's a poignant last reminder for me to never take for granted good health!
"For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace." Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
The Most Amazing Thing Cancer Can Do...
The most amazing thing cancer can do, is bring your family together like never before, in such a way you did not know could exist! With your family by your side, you're destined to find so many silver linings along the way, they are there at every turn and I can promise this, you don't even have to look for them...they are obvious!!
My family was a huge proponent of chemotherapy as part of my treatment. And they in turn were there for me every difficult step of the way. I'm grateful to them for the constant encouragement, often convincing me I could get through it, even when I was more convinced I could not.
I read this today in a chemotherapy guide book while I was receiving my last treatment - "Of all the facts you should know about chemotherapy, here's the most important one: It may be your single best chance to rid your body of cancer cells."
It was fitting that I saw this statement today, of all days on my last day of treatment. After all the rigorous days of research, second and third opinions, etc., it was affirmation for me that despite all the nasty side effects, chemotherapy is, in the greatest measure, what I believe will kill the cancer in me once and for all.
Thank you to my family, entire extended family, and all my friends, for loving me through it!!
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Here's a picture of me holding my Certificate of Completion, lovingly signed by the staff of Contra Costa Oncology.
My family was a huge proponent of chemotherapy as part of my treatment. And they in turn were there for me every difficult step of the way. I'm grateful to them for the constant encouragement, often convincing me I could get through it, even when I was more convinced I could not.
I read this today in a chemotherapy guide book while I was receiving my last treatment - "Of all the facts you should know about chemotherapy, here's the most important one: It may be your single best chance to rid your body of cancer cells."
It was fitting that I saw this statement today, of all days on my last day of treatment. After all the rigorous days of research, second and third opinions, etc., it was affirmation for me that despite all the nasty side effects, chemotherapy is, in the greatest measure, what I believe will kill the cancer in me once and for all.
Thank you to my family, entire extended family, and all my friends, for loving me through it!!
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Here's a picture of me holding my Certificate of Completion, lovingly signed by the staff of Contra Costa Oncology.
Last But Not Least...
Today is my last chemo!
"Now finish what you began, so that your eagerness to do so may be matched by your eagerness to complete it." 2 Corinthians 8:11
Thank you God, friends, and family for seeing me through this!!
"Now finish what you began, so that your eagerness to do so may be matched by your eagerness to complete it." 2 Corinthians 8:11
Thank you God, friends, and family for seeing me through this!!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Will I Break or Will I Bend?
With my last chemo approaching, I met with my surgeon to discuss the next surgery in this ongoing process of reconstruction. I am scheduled for a 2 1/2 to 3 hour surgery sometime in August with 4-6 weeks of recovery time to follow. After which I will require one more surgery sometime in October. In late July I will begin oral Tamoxifen and quarterly infusions of Zometa to strengthen my bones and prevent the cancer from returning.
I have wondered several times, when the pain from my mastectomy or from the chemotherapy is at its worst, will I break or will I bend? There are moments, hours, and days when I feel like I will break! But God has not failed to teach me that I will NOT break, I will BEND!
I'm sure anyone who reads my blog can see the enormous leap of faith I have taken as a result of what I have been going through. I can honestly say that without my ever growing faith, I could not have endured this ordeal and I'm so grateful for all I have learned and will continue to learn. I have seen, first hand, the power that prayer possesses (your prayers and mine!) and I am proud to share my experience of being filled with the Holy Spirit, for without it, I would surely break!
"Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well...". James 5:15
Thank you, my dear friends and family, for your prayers.
XO
Lisa
I have wondered several times, when the pain from my mastectomy or from the chemotherapy is at its worst, will I break or will I bend? There are moments, hours, and days when I feel like I will break! But God has not failed to teach me that I will NOT break, I will BEND!
I'm sure anyone who reads my blog can see the enormous leap of faith I have taken as a result of what I have been going through. I can honestly say that without my ever growing faith, I could not have endured this ordeal and I'm so grateful for all I have learned and will continue to learn. I have seen, first hand, the power that prayer possesses (your prayers and mine!) and I am proud to share my experience of being filled with the Holy Spirit, for without it, I would surely break!
"Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well...". James 5:15
Thank you, my dear friends and family, for your prayers.
XO
Lisa
Friday, June 8, 2012
Eternal Perspective
God never wastes suffering. Trials work for us, not against us (Jas 1:2-5). If we trust God and surrender to Him, trials will produce patience, perseverance and maturity in the lives of our family. If we rebel and fight against our circumstances, we will remain impatient, impulsive and immature. God allows trials so He can build character into our lives. Warren Wiersbe gives a great analogy, "God can grow a mushroom overnight, but it takes many years - and many storms - to build a mighty oak."
"For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.". 2 Corinthians 4:17, 18
"For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.". 2 Corinthians 4:17, 18
Thursday, June 7, 2012
The Cumulative Effect
cumulative effect - n.: The state at which repeated administration of a drug may produce effects that are more pronounced than those produced by the first dose. Also called cumulative action.
Chemotherapy has a way of killing you slowly...not that I'm dying, but there are definitely days when I feel like I am.
Though the proverbial end is near (my last port infusion of chemo is June 13th) it seems the worst is yet to come. I've been told by other's battling cancer that the pain and exhaustion get worse towards the end, and they were right.
My muscles are weak, it's hard to walk, I'm unable to open water or prescription bottles, my gums and teeth are intolerant of hot or cold foods, my toenails are threatening to fall off, my eyes are surrounded by dark circles, I am so very tired.
Every time I feel down, physically or emotionally, I imagine myself on a tropical beach in Hawaii (that's booked for late summer!) and I click on my Bible App...it has never let me down.
"This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
I have no doubt He has never left me and that He will be right next to me on that tropical beach in Hawaii....
Chemotherapy has a way of killing you slowly...not that I'm dying, but there are definitely days when I feel like I am.
Though the proverbial end is near (my last port infusion of chemo is June 13th) it seems the worst is yet to come. I've been told by other's battling cancer that the pain and exhaustion get worse towards the end, and they were right.
My muscles are weak, it's hard to walk, I'm unable to open water or prescription bottles, my gums and teeth are intolerant of hot or cold foods, my toenails are threatening to fall off, my eyes are surrounded by dark circles, I am so very tired.
Every time I feel down, physically or emotionally, I imagine myself on a tropical beach in Hawaii (that's booked for late summer!) and I click on my Bible App...it has never let me down.
"This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
I have no doubt He has never left me and that He will be right next to me on that tropical beach in Hawaii....
The Buzzard, The Bat, and The Bumblebee
The Buzzard:
If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner.
The buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit, it will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.
The Bat:
The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place.
If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully.
The Bumblebee:
A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out.
It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.
In many ways, we are like the buzzard, the bat, and the bumblebee. We struggle about with all our problems and frustrations, never realizing that all we have to do is look up!
That's the answer, the escape route and the solution to any problem...just look up!
“God is so great—higher than the heavens, higher than the farthest stars." Job 22:12
If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner.
The buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit, it will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.
The Bat:
The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place.
If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully.
The Bumblebee:
A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out.
It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.
In many ways, we are like the buzzard, the bat, and the bumblebee. We struggle about with all our problems and frustrations, never realizing that all we have to do is look up!
That's the answer, the escape route and the solution to any problem...just look up!
“God is so great—higher than the heavens, higher than the farthest stars." Job 22:12
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Laughter really is the best medicine...
"He will once again fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy." Job 8:21
The 4-5 days that follow a chemotherapy session are filled with a lot of pain and discomfort. But the one thing that helps is being able to laugh whenever possible....I now find new meaning in the phrase 'laugh 'til it hurts' - for me it's more like 'hurt 'til you laugh'!
Thank you to my very dear friend, Julie, and to all my friends and family members who have given me so many doses of much needed medicinal laughter!
The 4-5 days that follow a chemotherapy session are filled with a lot of pain and discomfort. But the one thing that helps is being able to laugh whenever possible....I now find new meaning in the phrase 'laugh 'til it hurts' - for me it's more like 'hurt 'til you laugh'!
Thank you to my very dear friend, Julie, and to all my friends and family members who have given me so many doses of much needed medicinal laughter!
Friday, June 1, 2012
Sisterly Love...
My Aunt and Godmother, Rozeanne, battled lung and brain cancer. She is my hero, mentor, and constant support. She has been cancer free now for five years. Below is a picture of my mother holding her during her battle with cancer.
"Yep. There ain't nothin' better'n a good older sister to help ya out when ya got the cancer." - Aunt Wild Roz
"Yep. There ain't nothin' better'n a good older sister to help ya out when ya got the cancer." - Aunt Wild Roz
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