It does. It's beautiful, sunny, there are birds chirping, squirrels scurrying. I can hear the hum of my dryer drying it's 5003rd load of laundry. I can hear the buzz of someone's lawn mower cutting the grass. Yes, it seems like any other ordinary day...only it's not for me. It's the Sunday before my first chemotherapy...in just three days time.
I am extraordinarily sad today. I fear I will become even more so tomorrow, the next day, and the next.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Matthew 22:30
I want to believe that, I'm really trying to believe...but today, I'm having a hard time doing so.
Please pray for me, I need it especially now.
XO
Lisa
6 comments:
Lisa,
I have been enjoying reading your blog. Some of the things you talk about really hit home with me. As you know I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in 2005, had a 7 1/2 hour surgery, went through over 8 months of chemo and then was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer again in 2008. So back to the surgery room I went (over 5 hours)and then chemo again for six more treatments. Like you I was very scared and anxious about the chemo treatments and I won't kid you...they are no joke! I was pretty sick and run down for the first 3 or 4 days, but then I would feel better. With my second diagnosis, I did better because there had been a new drug on the market which really helped me with the nausea and other symptoms of tiredness and run down feeling. Also the second time around the chemo treatments were once a week for 3 weeks and then you had a week off. The first time was pretty brutal because I only had treatments once every 3 weeks and it was just too much chemo at one time for my system. I had a wonderful chemo nurse for all my treatments and usually saw the same women in the chemo room so we bonded and shared our tales of woe. It is great that you have such wonderful support from your family and friends. I've always admired how very strong you are and love your sense of humor. I found that the best thing for me was to think positive and keep a good attitude, but I would find myself whining and feeling sorry for myself and I would have to give myself a lecture (notice how many times I used the word myself in this sentence. Hmmm...do you think that's a sign that I'm pretty wrapped up in "myself" -:).) Poor Bob it's a wonder we're still together. I was pretty hard on him. I know you will make it through this next step in your treatments and there is nothing wrong with being scared. My thoughts and prayers are with you and if you ever feel like talking, please feel free to give me a call. All my best, Linda.
Lisa,
You are allowed ALL your feelings. Good for you to be able to share them. It makes you stronger than most.
I wish I was close enough to give you a hug and just talk. Remember that prayers are always being sent your way.
......A good hug and piece of chocolate can go along way to making you smile for at least 1/2 hour :)
Somewhere out there, there has to be a song that says: "AFTER ALL I'VE BEEN THROUGH, I CAN HANDLE ANYTHING. "
Think of this as a pregnancy. You have been pregnant 27 Months of your life: nausea, tiredness, aching, a foreign body in your body and the ultimate pain of childbirth.....and what a beautiful reward you got.......you gave life to 3 beautiful human beings.
Now, today. You have already been through so much. These final treatments, pains, tiredness, nausea, fear and sorrow are but for the purpose of giving a further, long and happy life to an exceptionally beautiful human being. .......they will be but a distant memory when you attend College Graduations, dance with your children at their weddings and most especially, cherish your Grandchildren.
You have strength. AFTER ALL THAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH, YOU CAN HANDLE ANYTHING.
A quote from Barbara Johnson(I don't know who she is):
"Jesus knows what it's like to suffer; he suffered on our behalf. And he also know what it's like, late at night, to feel such heartache you think you'll die. On the night before he was crucified, he led his disciples to Gethsemane and told them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death" (Mark 14:34). And certainly he knows what it's like to feel all alone, because those same disciples- his closest friends and followers- suddenly disappeared when the bad times started.
Jesus knows how you feel-hurt, scared, alone- and he's always with you to wrap you in his comfort blanket of love."
Lisa,
Many, like Linda Johnson and aunt Rozanne and aunt Bev, have been on the road you are on, and they are better and stronger because of it. You, too, will survive and thrive!
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..."
1John 4:18
Let the love of your Heavenly Father, your family, and your friends drive out your fear.
I love you and will most definitely be praying for you now and into eternity.
xoj
I know, Sweetie, I know...
Lisa, When you started this blog you wrote "About Me" The luckiest girl in the world! You are the luckiest girl in the world! So in 16 weeks you will be lucky that this is over and you can continue in LIFE with God, you hubby, children, family and friends. We are all with you on this journey even when you are sleeping. Ooga Booga and Hugs. Larry and Sue
Post a Comment