Roots and Wings

I just finished washing, folding, and packing my son's college bedding to ship off to Villanova where it will wait for us to arrive in just over one week. I wondered as I smelled the fresh sheets how often (if ever!) my son would wash his sheets once he's on his own. 

My husband and I lovingly packed three boxes which, when unpacked, will essentially become his new home for the next 9 months.  I find myself pausing at

photos of my son when he was younger and wishing I could go back to that time in our lives when college seemed an eternity away. 

I don't think I would be having such a hard time with this if it weren't for the fact that my son is really a great person, one I'm proud of in every way, and one I will miss dearly. Of course, the piles of smelly laundry on his bathroom floor and dirty dishes left in front of the TV can be annoying, but truth be told, I'm even going to miss that stuff too. 

I can't help but recall the times he needed me, even clung to me, and didn't want to let go for school or a summer camp. Yet now he's so self assured, confident, and even eager to go all the way across the country without seemingly a care or any hesitation about being homesick. I'm thrilled at his independence but saddened at the thought of not having him around on a day to day basis - a very bittersweet time indeed. 

I cried, no sobbed, at the latest Apple commercial which depicts people using Face-Time to connect over long distances.  I cried to a saleswoman because they were out of crucifix necklaces as I insisted to her he needed one to keep him safe...she quickly got the manager involved and they are shipping one to me overnight.  I cried as I  wondered if I've taught my son everything he needs to know and then cried some more when I realize I have so much more to teach him before he leaves - he graciously lets me rattle off some last minute wisdom, knowing I will cry again if he does not. 

I'm so grateful that cancer has not loomed over us this past year as it did the year before. I'm happy that my son can leave our home with not only the experience of our family uniting through such a tribulation, but with the knowledge that we survived it too. I'm relieved that I look and feel healthy, normal, and that my focus is no longer on cancer but as it should be, on my children, particularly my son as he sets out on this new and exciting time in his life. I'm comforted knowing that cancer will not be a worry to my son while he is away. 

Finally, I'm content...content with the outcome, for we gave him roots and then gave him wings, and as difficult as it has been and will be in the coming weeks...I truly am proud to see him fly.