After my brief Tamoxifen melt down last weekend, I felt oddly relieved. Then after thinking about it for a few days, I figured out why: it felt good to FEEL.
After I got over the initial feeling of shock I experienced from receiving a diagnosis of cancer, I felt largely emotionally numb for the better part of this past year. I had to stay numb in order to get through the horrible things I went through, both physically and emotionally. And I got really good at being numb.
Last Saturday, during my anger fest, it was the first time in a very long time I had let my emotions run free...and admittedly, it felt great.
I'm finally free to actually FEEL free, regardless of whether it's happiness, fear, depression, elation, sadness, anger, anxiety, or joy and it feels good. It makes me feel alive again!
I am grateful to be alive and have the ability to experience my God given range of emotions and feelings, without the numbness of worry or the mind blurring drugs of chemo!
“We think too much and feel too little.”
― Charles Chaplin
1 comment:
Bravo Lisa!
Oddly I, too, have felt most alive during some of my sadest and most difficult moments in life. When my heart was aching or breaking, I felt deeply connected to the human race, a race that longs to be healed and loved, but is all too eager to cover up the hurt and pretend it's not there.
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