Each time He said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
For the past few days, my weaknesses have been rearing their ugly heads - I have felt sad a depressed. The AC and Taxol are taking their toll on me - bone pain, painful fingers, brown finger nails, tiredness, instantaneous menopause.
As I approach my two remaining chemotherapy treatments, I feel daunted by the ongoing battle I will have to face to keep the cancer from returning: 5-10 years of taking the oral chemotherapy drug Tamoxifen (complete with its own lovely set of side effects); annual PET scans to look for cancer in my lungs, my brain, my bones, etc.; several years of monthly visits to the oncologist for infusions of bone strengtheners; and so on...I wonder if I will ever have a day in the future when I am not wondering and worrying if the cancer is growing somewhere else? And if it does return, will I have the strength to go through chemotherapy again? I must say, if I had to decide that now, the answer would be a resounding NO!
I am weak today. Please pray for me that I receive God's grace in my weakest moments.
5 comments:
One Day at a Time. That's all you have to do. That's what we all have to do. Each and Every Day. And, I know you can do that. It will be allright. We Love You.
I keep you in my prayers, Lisa. Hearing about your side effects from the chemo makes me feel sad and confirms how impotent I am to do anything but Since you can't forsee the future whether it holds a smooth road or more bumps to deal with, focus on the good things in your life right now...loving friends and family etc. All the things you express gratitude for in your writings. Easy for me to say? Of course it is, but I do believe it is the right thing to do.
Hugs,
Sue (BHS '59 group of 5)
Lisa - I wish I could give you a hug right now!! I have no clue how to make it easier for you other than to say - focus on today!!! Get through today - tomorrow is a new day and the sun will shine on you. I stress sometimes wondering about my daughter and will the cancer come back - especially before the annual appointments. She did not have to deal with all the medicines you do - there is no way to make those feelings go away!! We try to keep everything in balance. We live today with purpose..healthy and clean but ALWAYS with chocolate. That makes everything better. Allow all your feelings - they are all valid - but only give the negative thoughts 5 minutes! You are more powerful when you think about the positives that are around you. Find strength in those around you when you can't find it in yourself. We are all keeping you in our prayers. We love you!
I am on my knees in prayer for you daily asking God for mercy on your suffering and complete and total healing of your cancer. I know He hears my prayers.
Keep the faith.
love you always,
Julie
Lisa, I was at rock bottom myself a few times. It's only because it's hard to be up when you're tired and hurting. When your chemo is over, you'll be surprised how much better you'll start feeling - normal even! And in such a better position to cope with it all. I, to this day, get freaked out when another follow-up cat scan, brain MRI, doctor visit comes around. But you go on and life is still good! Plus Jerry always buys me a "present" when the visits are over. Hang in there, my sweet girl, it won't be long now. I'm praying for strength of your body, and peace of your mind. Love,
Post a Comment